Guiding Children to Solve Their Own Problems

Step One:

Empathy.

• "How sad."
• "I bet that hurts."

Step Two:

Send the "Power Message."

• "What do you think you're going to do?"

Step Three:

Offer choices.

• "Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?"

At this point, offer a variety of choices that range from bad to good. It's usually best to start out with the poor choices.

Each time a choice is offered, go on to step four, forcing the youngster to state the consequence in his/her own words. This means that you will be going back and forth between Love and Logic steps three and four.

Step Four:

Have the child state the consequences.

• "And how will that work?"

Step Five:

Give permission for the child to either solve the problem or not solve the problem.

• "Good luck. I hope it works out."

Have no fear. If the child is fortunate enough to make a poor choice, he/she may have a double learning lesson.

by Jim Fay